“There are too many things to address!”
Why this is a wall:
We can and should want to parse and examine the enormity of our psychedelic experience. But taking it all in can tax nervous systems and bodies, particularly those more accustomed to routine and predictability. How do we handle the scale and the magnitude of the realizations we encountered in a psychedelic journey? Where do we even start?
To successfully integrate a psychedelic experience, we have to learn how to “manage” an inventory of epiphanies which may include some big realizations about ourselves and how we have been living. “Manage” is in quotes because it’s not like you’re unloading a truck into a warehouse here—it’s feelings, traumas, shadows, beliefs, core selves, and perhaps universal truths we’re talking about here. That stuff doesn’t fit into boxes. Whether difficult or affirming, psychedelic experiences require a kind of blended psycho-social-mystical-embodied engagement. It feels really big because it is really big.
Potential ladders:
A good start is simply accepting the bigness, and trusting you have what you need to metabolize it in due time. Read that last sentence again. Now one more time. Is it sinking in that you got this?
Slowing down. Can’t emphasize this enough. It’s urgent that you tend to the enormity you’re experienced, and that means you need to g o s l o w . In the modern West, we’re taught that if it’s urgent we need to move quickly, but the parts of us that are typically best prepped to go fast are NOT the parts that we want leading this integration work. We need the slower, nuanced, metaphorical, artistic, embodied, creative, imaginative, and connected parts—the parts that want to just know and feel and be. We need those parts to siddown in the driver’s seat. But they won’t do that unless we slow down enough to let them. So do less, take your foot off the gas, look around, look within, breathe, and take it all in. You have time.
Moving from epiphany to bitesize insight, taking one at a time. No mountain was ever climbed in a giant leap. Big things take little steps. Recognize this by listing the messages or visions you received on a piece of paper. Look it over. Which ones are popping off the page, crying out to be tended? Start with one of them. Ask: What makes this so “big” for you? Where does it come from in your consciousness, and where does it go? What does it seem to want from you, out of you, in you? Keep tending, exploring, and tracing, then move to the next one. Eventually you’ll have a treasure chest of epiphanies and how they move in your life. From there, mapping out some big transformations becomes possible.
Making micro-commitments and establishing accountability. First, break down your insights into small, actionable steps. Example: instead of “I need to quit my job,” a first step might be, “I will have one conversation with a mentor about career shifts.” Once you identify discreet incremental steps you can take—and can envision yourself actually doing—ask an accountability partner to check in with you weekly about your progress. This can be a spouse, a co-worker, a friend, or your coach. Their only role is to ask at a specific time interval, “How’s it going with that thing you were going to do?” Just knowing that you have to report out to someone in x# of days is typically enough motivation to ensure you do the thing. If you’re worried this will feel like an externalization of your intrinsic drive, remember that it’s still you setting the agenda and the conditions for your success. It’s your fire. You’re just pulling in a buddy to help keep it burning.
Giving yourself permission to be a messy, awkward, full-on noob. You probably selected clothes today at least in part to try to avoid looking like a dork. I did too. Most of us do. We do the same when we’re in conversation searching for the right words to say. But when that inclination extends into psychedelic integration, it’s a kind of poison. Editing and restricting and monitoring our performance to ensure acceptance is a recipe for frustration and disappointment. Your psychedelic journey is yours, nobody else’s, and the same goes for how to integrate it. We have to not give AF about how awkward we look in trying. Truth is, you will be klutzy when you try to make sense of your journey and apply it in your life because you’re using new modalities and building new neural connections at the same time that you may be trying to diminish old ones. Ever tried to juggle? Nobody is good at it at first. It takes practice and a lot of silly looking failures. But eventually it clicks and you can track, catch, and throw a lot of balls at the same time. Let yourself learn. Give yourself permission to be at the edge of your capacity. That’s where the growing happens.
Carrying a small notebook and pen everywhere. Post-journey, you are going to continue to get insights across your days. Mind relaxed, pushing a shopping cart at the grocery store, looking for those one crackers you like, you’ll get a bolt of perception about something—you need that notebook handy to capture it. Or when you’re going to drive somewhere, before you get underway, set your phone up to record a voice memo with just a single tap so you can drive safely while detailing your epiphany. Whatever technique you use, make sure you have an easy way to catch these wiggly and fleeting understandings so you have them for later when you can focus on your integration process. And consider drawing (or even singing or dancing) some of your insights rather than trying to commit everything to words. Words can signify and reveal, but they can also contain and restrict meaning if we spend too much time searching for a supposedly perfect encapsulation. We have other modalities we can use—give ‘em a try.